Balance Family & Career
Balancing Career Ambitions with Family Ambitions
Early in my career I had a mentor who gave me one of the most consequential pieces of advice I ever received: start talking with your spouse about potential relocations and big career moves long before the opportunities become urgent. At the time I was about 25 or 26, ambitious and laser-focused on climbing the ladder. I mapped out a 10-year plan to go from the shop floor to plant manager — an audacious goal I didn’t fully understand the cost of then.
I grew up in Lawton, Oklahoma. My family had been there for generations, and the idea of moving away wasn’t something we’d really considered. When an early mentor suggested relocation as part of career growth, it shook me. The thought of asking my wife, who had her own career and a life she valued, terrified me. I worried she might say no and derail my plan. So, I delayed the conversation until opportunities became real and unavoidable.
That initial hesitation taught me something important: career decisions that affect the family can’t be made in isolation. When I finally had the talk, my wife had needs and expectations of her own, reasonable things I hadn’t considered. Over the years we learned that these discussions must be frequent, honest, and practical. We developed rituals to make space for them: after dinner walks, the first part with the kids and the second part just for us. Those conversations became a way to align our ambitions and set shared goals.
Working hard early in your career pays dividends, but only if you balance ambition with long-term partnership.
Relocations and the family dynamic
We moved 2,200 miles away to a place my wife had never been and away from her family. She cried when we left, and each move brought its own adjustments, weather, routines, and social ties. On a later occasion, when I thought returning somewhat closer to home would be welcomed, she cried again. Not every move was an obvious improvement from her point of view. We had to learn that her emotional needs, her need for routine, and her career mattered as much as mine.
Over time, after multiple relocations and many conversations, moves got easier. We learned how to plan better, how to create routines quickly, and how to check in frequently about our shared priorities. In the end, our conversations shifted from “what’s best for my career” to “what’s best for our family.” That change forced me to accept that I might need to make career compromises to achieve the life we both want.
Practical steps we adopted
- Regular check-ins: carve out time (we used nightly walks) for honest, goal-focused talks about family priorities and upcoming decisions.
- Ask, don’t assume. I used to assume “better” meant more money. That was wrong. Ask your spouse what “better” looks like to them.
- Align with an end in mind: talk about long-term goals, where you want to live, how much presence you want with the kids, what retirement looks like, and work toward them together.
- Plan transitions: when relocating, prioritize stability and routines for the spouse who values them. Make the move smoother by planning social and community connections early.
- Prepare to pivot: if your family priorities diverge from the trajectory of your current career, be open to changing course. Your values and relationships matter long after job titles fade.
Balancing ambition with presence
I’m more balanced now than earlier in my career. Experience lets me connect the dots faster and make decisions more quickly, so I can be present more often. But balance looks different for every family and changes across life stages, before kids, during early parenting, and after children leave home. What worked at one stage won’t necessarily work at another.
Ultimately, success at work is important, but it’s not the whole story. Spending time building a career early can create opportunities later, but you must intentionally cultivate your personal relationships along the way. The people who matter most, your spouse, your kids, your closest family, are the ones who will be with you through life’s transitions. Treat those relationships with as much care and honesty as you treat your professional development.
What I learned about career work and balance
- Invest early, delegate later. The first two or three years in a role are crucial to lay a foundation: be dependable, responsive, deliver results, and build trust. That often means working beyond an eight-hour day early on as a career investment. Later, when relationships and credibility are established, you can delegate, prioritize, and be more present for family.
- Teach and grow your team. You can’t outrun your team. If you do all the work yourself, you limit your reach and create a bottleneck. Bring people along, give them responsibility, and help them prioritize. That’s how your capacity grows.
- Promotions often come with relocation. I never turned down a relocation; each move coincided with a promotion. That makes the relocation conversation even more important because each step up can change the family’s life.
- Legacy is fleeting; family endures. I’ve seen leaders come and go. One sobering realization: the organization keeps moving with or without any single person. When you look back, the people who will be at your funeral are mostly family and a very small circle of true friends. That perspective should influence how you allocate your time and where you invest your energy.
Take the time to talk, align, and plan. Put in the work early in your career but involve your spouse in the conversation about where that work will take you. Create routines for ongoing, honest discussions about family ambitions. Be prepared to delegate and build your team so you can reclaim time for the people who will truly matter in the long run. If you do this, career success and family fulfillment won’t be mutually exclusive, they can be parts of the same, intentional life plan.
